The problem of alcoholism in the family is very common in many countries. According to statistics, every third woman faces alcoholism in her husband; it turns out that there is an alcoholic in 30% of our families - this figure is scary. At the same time, the husband's alcohol abuse has a harmful effect on the whole family, and a large number of such families are already becoming a social problem. Families where a man drinks are more likely to become socially disadvantaged and children in such families suffer. Let's try to understand why my husband drinks and what to do about it.
The main reasons why a man starts drinking
First of all, it is worth distinguishing between everyday drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure, and the second is addiction. However, by drinking for pleasure, a person who drinks alcohol has a high chance of becoming an alcoholic over time. The reasons why a man starts drinking are as follows:
- Fun. Many people start drinking alcohol at parties, in society, for fun. A beer at a picnic in the summer, a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve, or a cocktail or two at a bar on the weekend - it seems that there is nothing wrong with it.
- Traditions. Men in our country grow up in a culture of constant drinking: it is customary to drink during holidays, if something important happens, the first thing to do is to get drunk, and people in society do not trust a person who does not drink. .
- Communication. Drinking helps you join the team, relax and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet a girl without alcohol; in this way they overcome shyness.
- Stress. In the post-Soviet space, it is not customary to go to a psychologist, and the culture imposes on a man the image of a brutal, masculine man who does not have psychological problems and does not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but are forced to hide their feelings, and drinking alcohol becomes the only way to cope with stress. This is a common reason for the onset and development of alcoholism.
How to understand that your husband has become an alcoholic - the main signs
Many men drink alcohol occasionally, for example on vacation. Sometimes they go overboard. When should you start worrying? This question is often asked to psychologists by the wives of such men. Only a doctor can make a diagnosis of alcoholism. There are warning signs, when they appear, it's time to take action.
Regular use
If a man drinks not occasionally, but often and regularly, for example, on weekends, this is already a cause for concern. If your husband drinks every day, even a little, this is a sign of addiction. It is also important what drink you drink and in what quantity. Two liters of beer every evening is too much.
Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms
Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first cases of use result in severe intoxication, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call this "not knowing how to drink". Over time, tolerance, that is, resistance to alcohol, increases and a man can drink more. This is how withdrawal symptoms appear, or a hangover - not feeling well the next morning. In the last stages of alcoholism, tolerance to alcohol decreases again - to get drunk, a small amount of alcohol is enough, literally "sniffing the cork". And the withdrawal syndrome becomes pronounced and painful, there is a strong desire for alcohol and a desire to have a hangover - drink a little to relieve the pain. The habit of a hangover becomes a kind of transitional point, after which severe alcoholism can develop.
The show of fun
Binge drinking is the continuous use of alcohol for several days (3 or more). At the same time, the alcoholic man enters a special cycle of drinking: every morning he feels bad, gets a hangover, then drinks during the day and again becomes very drunk, and the next morning he feels bad again and everything is repeated again. With prolonged use of alcohol, mental disorders appear, for example, alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", a state of altered consciousness, accompanied by severe agitation, anxiety, fear or aggression and hallucinations.
Personality changes
Regular drinking leads to gradual personal changes that are invisible to loved ones, but addiction specialists are aware of them. Such changes include:
- Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
- Weakening of the will, inability to resist desires;
- Self-blame, guilt and loss of self-esteem;
- Inability to take responsibility for one's actions;
- Lying to loved ones and self-deception.
Over time, an alcoholic man turns into a kind of adult child: he is not responsible for anything, he cannot control his actions, it is impossible to rely on him - after all, at any moment he cangetting drunk, forgetting agreements, spending money or even showing aggression towards loved ones: In this case it becomes dangerous. A sober alcoholic regrets his drunken actions and experiences strong feelings of guilt, anger at himself, or disappointment, which again drives him to drink alcohol to distract himself from these negative emotions. He realizes that something bad is happening, but he can't do anything. Often, the wives of addicted men say about them: "He is very good when he is sober, but when he drinks, he is a different person. "
Social consequences
Usually, the relatives of an alcoholic hide his addiction from others until the last moment. But there comes a time when it is already difficult to do this. The alcoholic does not work or makes serious mistakes that drive him away. When he is drunk, he can commit various offenses or get hurt. A person who drinks regularly gradually loses self-control and becomes very unpleasant: friends and even relatives leave him. Gradually, those around him begin to shun him and his entire social circle is limited to his fellow alcoholics. If this happens, it is very difficult to get out of such a vicious circle.
Mistakes women often make with a drinking husband
Psychologists call the wives of alcoholic men "addicts". This term means relatives of addicts who are in close contact with them and whose psyche also inevitably changes. Their behavior changes in such a way that, even against their will, contributes to the development of alcoholism. Here are the main mistakes that alcoholic wives make:
- The charges. Of course, the behavior of a drunken husband and its consequences do not please their wives. They try to influence their husbands - they scold, annoy, appeal to their conscience. Thus, they only support the feeling of guilt - one of the main causes of alcoholism.
- Attempts to hide the problem from others. Very often, a woman covers her husband in front of relatives, makes excuses for her superiors and solves all the problems herself. Or insist that he drink at home, locked up - it's safer.
- Supporting the lifestyle of an addict: the wife scolds her husband, but can help him "recover health" from a hangover, gives him money to drink, seeks him out among his alcoholic friends and brings him home. Sometimes she drinks with him - from the idea that this way he will drink less.
- Pity the man and trust his promises to stop drinking: they are never fulfilled.
- Ignoring the problem: because the man is good when he doesn't drink, the woman resignedly tolerates his drunken behavior.
Often in codependent families, a situation can be observed where a woman seems to be struggling with her husband's alcoholism - she shames him, tolerates him, gives him ultimatums, deprives him of money or sex, and starts scandals. But at the same time, all her efforts have no effect: the man just drinks more and more, and the woman has a harder time. But she gets a lot of sympathy from acquaintances who are aware of the situation. Compared to her husband, to those around her, such a woman looks like a great martyr; people sympathize with it and feel it. She uses her husband's alcoholism to justify her problems and failures.
What to do if your husband drinks every day - advice from psychologists and narcologists
If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to endure this problem, "carry your cross" and do nothing. Of course, a woman can always file for divorce and walk away. Moreover, a drunken man often brings more problems to the family than help, resources and money. But you can try to get rid of addiction and save your family. Everyone who is close to an alcoholic must be patient: it will be difficult.
- The most important thing is to eliminate alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Remember that there are no ex-alcoholics. To avoid provocations, never have alcohol in your home again.
- Most likely, the man will not admit the problem and will not show a desire to be treated until the last minute. Sometimes, after a scary or painful experience, a drinker wants to quit, but then his resolve weakens - until next time. Narcologists can help - clean the blood of toxins, alleviate a serious physical condition, improve your well-being with the help of medications. A psychotherapist must then work with the addict, as psychological addiction is more difficult to overcome than physical addiction.
- It is important to establish contact. Talk to your husband, find out why he drinks. But you don't need to become a psychologist for your husband. It is better to entrust mental problems to a specialist.
- Change your environment. All alcoholic friends who drag the recovering person back into their quagmire must be removed from your life.
- Don't take it all on. Do not give money to your husband, do not hide his problems from your relatives. Remember that you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be built around a family problem.
- Do not shame a person and do not feel sorry for him. If you see that he is trying to get out, you can help and support him in all his good efforts. But be persistent if he reaches for the bottle again.
Remember that it is difficult to solve the problem of alcoholism only in the family. Seek help: from narcologists, psychologists, support groups.
Traditional methods of treatment of alcoholism
All treatment methods can be divided into medication and psychotherapeutic.
With the help of drugs, doctors can:
- Relieve hangovers;
- Improving well-being, supporting the functioning of internal organs;
- Clean the blood from toxic substances - alcohol breakdown products;
- Reduce the desire for alcohol consumption - so-called replacement therapy.
Psychotherapy methods help reduce psychological dependence. This includes:
- Coding: the doctor instructs the addict not to drink, otherwise something bad will happen to him. Previously, the drug coding method was also popular - a special capsule was sewn under the skin of an alcoholic, which, when alcohol entered the blood, would release poison, leading to the patient's death.
- Classic hypnosis: the psychotherapist instructs you not to drink or crave alcohol. This method is similar to coding, but is a little gentler, as it does not involve an immediate threat to health or life if used.
- NLP, or neuro-linguistic programming: the specialist uses the patient's channels of perception - auditory, visual and tactile - to reinforce the desired reactions in him and reduce the desire for alcohol.
- Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt approach): a psychotherapist deeply analyzes the addict's psychological problems and shows ways to solve them, helps to learn new ways of behavior.
Alternative medicine
Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include herbal medicines that cause a strong reaction in the body when used together with alcohol. For example, the dung mushroom, tasty and harmless, even with a small dose of alcohol causes severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations. With prolonged use, the active substances of mushrooms accumulate in the body and are not completely eliminated, providing a characteristic reaction to each intake of alcohol. This method has long been used in villages to cure alcoholics from addiction.
To alleviate the painful condition of alcohol intoxication, folk remedies are also used: a decoction of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaves, apple cider vinegar, honey, a mixture of cabbage and pomegranate juice.
All kinds of conspiracies and slanders about water "so that the man does not drink", prayers, reprimands against drunkenness are also used - these methods are popular among people, but their effectiveness has not been proven.
Is it possible to force your husband to stop drinking without his consent?
Some women, seeing that their husband will not stop drinking alcohol, try to get rid of the bad habit themselves without his knowledge. For example, they add some medicine to food and drink. This is quite dangerous and doctors do not recommend doing this.
To quit drinking, an addict must want it himself, realizing that alcoholism is destroying his health, relationships and life. But that doesn't happen often. Addiction changes the psyche in such a way that the alcoholic tries never to stop drinking.
However, there are things that an alcoholic's wife can start doing at any time to get her husband to stop drinking, and that is up to her. She must understand her position as a victim and change her way of thinking. Start changing what you don't like in life, don't tolerate what you don't like, respect yourself. Do not solve other people's problems, do not take responsibility for another adult. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys life and family. In order to change yourself and start thinking more about yourself, you may need long-term work with a psychologist.
How do you know when it's time to seek help from a narcologist?
There are some characteristic signs by which one can definitely say that the addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. This includes:
- Frequent and regular use with a painful hangover;
- Lack of control over the amount of drinking (when a man starts drinking, he cannot stop);
- Single drinking at home (quiet drinking at home can later lead to severe alcoholism);
- Lies and hidden bottles of alcohol (the husband tries to hide the fact of drinking from his wife);
- Multi-day binges from which the drinker can no longer recover on his own.
All these signs indicate the development of a dangerous stage of alcoholism, when the addicted person needs urgent professional help. Relatives of an alcoholic must send him for treatment, otherwise his addiction will develop rapidly with the most serious consequences, even death. There is no need to risk the life and health of all family members, it is better to consult a doctor immediately.